"... A new sheriff in town, in the world of hair" [1]
Okay, so American Idol tonight? The contestants can choose from any song in the 2000s—and what do these connoisseurs of fine modern pop choose? Creed, Tim McGraw, & a boring Beyoncé song. [2]
Now, so: I understand there are licensing issues, &c.
But seriously, what the fuck?
So, dear future—or current—Idol contestants, should this particular challenge week ever again rear its ugly head, here are some suggestions [3].
Annie, “Chewing Gum” (Listen)
(Or the Hey Willpower + Annie version thereof.) Perhaps not a particularly tough vocal, but still a nice combination of a sort of charm & sexuality. Kellie, perhaps, but it may be too far out of her country comfort zone.
Backstreet Boys, “Shape of my Heart” (Listen)
So, I know that Backstreet Boys specifically—& boy pop in general—aren’t exactly in vogue, but seriously: this is brilliant pop music, and I’d expect someone like Ace to be able to pull this off, synchronized camera pouts & all.
Eamon, “Fuck It” (Listen)
Now this: I could see Elliot just eating this up. It’s a novelty song, sure, but it’s got that wannabe-Stevie-but-angry-&-nasty thing going on.
Girls Aloud, “Biology” [4] (Listen)
It’s not a competition without Girls Aloud! Honestly, I don’t know who could do this justice. Maybe it’d have to be a group thing, like those strange group performances they do from time to time.
Jamie Lidell, “When I Come Back Around”
Taylor, I’m looking at you, you symbol of prematurely gray neo-soul! Plus, miming the keyboard solo would win anyone total points in my book.
Ms. Dynamite, “Dy-Na-Mi-Tee” (Listen)
She’s my favorite, and while some of these picks are motivated by a sort of morbid curiosity, I would really, really like to hear Paris sing this.
Scissor Sisters, “Return to Oz” (Listen)
Now, this just might have the right sense of melodrama & bombast to win the crowd ever. If someone like Chris Daughtry were to sing it, it might elevate him from the sub-Stone Temple Pilots rut he’s got himself into now.
Will Young, “Leave Right Now”
Perhaps a bit of an obvious pick, considering his start in the pop business, but this is a top pop song.
& there’s so much more! Justin Timberlake; Shakira; Hey Willpower; Gwen Stefani; Robbie Williams; &c.
And I’ll just say this: if any contestant were to ever sing a chapter of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”, he/she would be my favorite vote forever, and I would probably be compelled to write some silly application that would vote a million times for that contestant. Or something.
[1] “But who wants to shoot the sheriff?” Oh, Blow Out.
[2] The only inspired choice was Katherine’s choice of Christina Aguilera’s “The Voice Within,” which was just okay in terms of her performance, but it’s hard to ruin that song.
[3] Though if last’s season’s butchering of Blu Cantrell’s “Hit ‘em Up Style (Oops)” is any indication, the idols-in-training aren’t exactly stellar w/ good pop songs, either.
[4] Well, really, part of the reason I included this song is just so I had an excuse to listen to it, again.
