"... A new sheriff in town, in the world of hair" [1]

Okay, so American Idol tonight? The contestants can choose from any song in the 2000s—and what do these connoisseurs of fine modern pop choose? Creed, Tim McGraw, & a boring Beyoncé song. [2]

Now, so: I understand there are licensing issues, &c.

But seriously, what the fuck?

So, dear future—or current—Idol contestants, should this particular challenge week ever again rear its ugly head, here are some suggestions [3].

Annie, “Chewing Gum” (Listen)

(Or the Hey Willpower + Annie version thereof.) Perhaps not a particularly tough vocal, but still a nice combination of a sort of charm & sexuality. Kellie, perhaps, but it may be too far out of her country comfort zone.

Backstreet Boys, “Shape of my Heart” (Listen)

So, I know that Backstreet Boys specifically—& boy pop in general—aren’t exactly in vogue, but seriously: this is brilliant pop music, and I’d expect someone like Ace to be able to pull this off, synchronized camera pouts & all.

Eamon, “Fuck It” (Listen)

Now this: I could see Elliot just eating this up. It’s a novelty song, sure, but it’s got that wannabe-Stevie-but-angry-&-nasty thing going on.

Girls Aloud, “Biology” [4] (Listen)

It’s not a competition without Girls Aloud! Honestly, I don’t know who could do this justice. Maybe it’d have to be a group thing, like those strange group performances they do from time to time.

Jamie Lidell, “When I Come Back Around”

Taylor, I’m looking at you, you symbol of prematurely gray neo-soul! Plus, miming the keyboard solo would win anyone total points in my book.

Ms. Dynamite, “Dy-Na-Mi-Tee” (Listen)

Paris!

She’s my favorite, and while some of these picks are motivated by a sort of morbid curiosity, I would really, really like to hear Paris sing this.

Scissor Sisters, “Return to Oz” (Listen)

Now, this just might have the right sense of melodrama & bombast to win the crowd ever. If someone like Chris Daughtry were to sing it, it might elevate him from the sub-Stone Temple Pilots rut he’s got himself into now.

Will Young, “Leave Right Now”

Perhaps a bit of an obvious pick, considering his start in the pop business, but this is a top pop song.

& there’s so much more! Justin Timberlake; Shakira; Hey Willpower; Gwen Stefani; Robbie Williams; &c.

And I’ll just say this: if any contestant were to ever sing a chapter of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”, he/she would be my favorite vote forever, and I would probably be compelled to write some silly application that would vote a million times for that contestant. Or something.

[1] “But who wants to shoot the sheriff?” Oh, Blow Out.

[2] The only inspired choice was Katherine’s choice of Christina Aguilera’s “The Voice Within,” which was just okay in terms of her performance, but it’s hard to ruin that song.

[3] Though if last’s season’s butchering of Blu Cantrell’s “Hit ‘em Up Style (Oops)” is any indication, the idols-in-training aren’t exactly stellar w/ good pop songs, either.

[4] Well, really, part of the reason I included this song is just so I had an excuse to listen to it, again.

Comments

[matt]

For Brian Joannou.net's sake, any performance of "Biology" would need to feature the dance from the video. Namely, the part where they do the weird backward clock thing with their arms.
As for me, I just want the butterflies and for someone to look as daft as Nicola.