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"... A new sheriff in town, in the world of hair" [1]

Okay, so American Idol tonight? The contestants can choose from any song in the 2000s—and what do these connoisseurs of fine modern pop choose? Creed, Tim McGraw, & a boring Beyoncé song. [2]

Now, so: I understand there are licensing issues, &c.

But seriously, what the fuck?

So, dear future—or current—Idol contestants, should this particular challenge week ever again rear its ugly head, here are some suggestions [3].

Annie, “Chewing Gum” (Listen)

(Or the Hey Willpower + Annie version thereof.) Perhaps not a particularly tough vocal, but still a nice combination of a sort of charm & sexuality. Kellie, perhaps, but it may be too far out of her country comfort zone.

Backstreet Boys, “Shape of my Heart” (Listen)

So, I know that Backstreet Boys specifically—& boy pop in general—aren’t exactly in vogue, but seriously: this is brilliant pop music, and I’d expect someone like Ace to be able to pull this off, synchronized camera pouts & all.

Eamon, “Fuck It” (Listen)

Now this: I could see Elliot just eating this up. It’s a novelty song, sure, but it’s got that wannabe-Stevie-but-angry-&-nasty thing going on.

Girls Aloud, “Biology” [4] (Listen)

It’s not a competition without Girls Aloud! Honestly, I don’t know who could do this justice. Maybe it’d have to be a group thing, like those strange group performances they do from time to time.

Jamie Lidell, “When I Come Back Around”

Taylor, I’m looking at you, you symbol of prematurely gray neo-soul! Plus, miming the keyboard solo would win anyone total points in my book.

Ms. Dynamite, “Dy-Na-Mi-Tee” (Listen)

Paris!

She’s my favorite, and while some of these picks are motivated by a sort of morbid curiosity, I would really, really like to hear Paris sing this.

Scissor Sisters, “Return to Oz” (Listen)

Now, this just might have the right sense of melodrama & bombast to win the crowd ever. If someone like Chris Daughtry were to sing it, it might elevate him from the sub-Stone Temple Pilots rut he’s got himself into now.

Will Young, “Leave Right Now”

Perhaps a bit of an obvious pick, considering his start in the pop business, but this is a top pop song.

& there’s so much more! Justin Timberlake; Shakira; Hey Willpower; Gwen Stefani; Robbie Williams; &c.

And I’ll just say this: if any contestant were to ever sing a chapter of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”, he/she would be my favorite vote forever, and I would probably be compelled to write some silly application that would vote a million times for that contestant. Or something.

[1] “But who wants to shoot the sheriff?” Oh, Blow Out.

[2] The only inspired choice was Katherine’s choice of Christina Aguilera’s “The Voice Within,” which was just okay in terms of her performance, but it’s hard to ruin that song.

[3] Though if last’s season’s butchering of Blu Cantrell’s “Hit ‘em Up Style (Oops)” is any indication, the idols-in-training aren’t exactly stellar w/ good pop songs, either.

[4] Well, really, part of the reason I included this song is just so I had an excuse to listen to it, again.

“... in honor of the void.”

I’ve discovered, after a difficult period of mostly fruitless analysis [1], that when I love a song’s lyrics, I love those lyrics for two very particular reasons:

1. because they use Proper Nouns;

2. because they use dialogue in an interesting way.

(&, well, also, because they’re funny.)

To wit: [2]

A Dangerous Woman Up To A Point once said —
“I’ve never read ‘so-and-so’ so why mention him here, in this square
where culprits axe me, my dear.
Tried to enjoy myself at the Society Ball, really I did.
Froze on Union Street, it was springtime, I was just a kid lost in a map
of the stars others called ‘your eyes.’
It was a trap!
It was a good time!
It was a hard to realize! ...

This is from Destroyer’s “A Dangerous Woman Up to a Point,” from Destroyer’s Rubies, which album is quickly becoming my favorite of 2006, by the way. [3] There are so many fucking brilliant sounds & words on this album, & it just gets better for me every time I listen.

Listen to “A Dangerous Woman Up to a Point”.

[1] Read, sitting around on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, quite happily lazy.

[2] See also: the Fiery Furnaces.

[3] Prior to the release—but after the inevitable leaks—I wrote about “Rubies” (i.e., the song, not the album).

I've got so much to say ("tell us about it Green")

• SO disappointed! I feel as if I've wasted so many hours, now, for it all to have come down to Chloe. I would've been happy with either Santino or Daniel (as strange & bitchy as Daniel got towards the end of the show, I still liked him), but Chloe? I have nothing more to say.


• But through the despair... a ray of hope, coming March 21. How can they possibly follow up the amazing Season 2? Who will be this season's Scott/Brandon-level villain? How will Jonathan adjust to domestic life & parenthood? Are Jonathan and Sescie married yet? [1] Is Jonathan still in therapy? So many questions!


• God, I fucking love Front Row. I love it most for its music-playing abilities, while hooked up to a television, & the way it shows off the album covers. I've been playing a playlist from a party a couple of months ago, & watching the beautiful album covers come across the screen is just mesmerizing.


• I finally bought Scritti Politti's Provision—the only Scritti album I didn't yet have—and am loving "Overnite". I can't get enough of Green Gartside ballads!

[1] The other night, Mena, who didn't watch Season 2, asked something about Jonathan's girlfriend, and both Krissy & I were like, "Sescie!" I didn't know whether to feel proud or dismayed that I've used up part of my memory for that knowledge.

But I settled on proud!