I've decided that MTV shows are the perfect weekend fare: they're trashy; they're always playing in marathons, so they can easily take up an entire afternoon; they require about 5% of one's brainpower to actually understand what's going on; & once in a while, there's something really, really funny, like the line I just heard on "Next", said about some lame guy wearing a polo shirt with a popped collar: "Too bad those balloons weren't collars, cause then I bet you could've popped them."
But so let's also take, as an example, "Parental Control," which I watched a marathon of last weekend, and which may well be the most offensive & tragic show on television.
The plot: the parents hate the girlfriend/boyfriend of their offspring, and want to find the son/daughter a new significant other. They interview about 20 potential suitors, and each (father & mother) selects one; the son/daughter then takes these new potentials out on a date for a couple of hours [1], while the current s.o. has to watch a video of the date along with the parents, with the parents insulting him/her the entire time. Fun!
And then, after the dates, the son/daughter has to choose between the current significant other & the two new people he/she dated. So cruel!
But not only that: I watched a marathon of "Parental Control" last weekend, and at least 50% of the time--probably closer to 75%--the son/daughter chooses one of the new suitors, rather than the current s.o. That's so fucking tragic, throwing away months/years of a relationship for someone you've dated for a couple of hours on a television show.
But then again, it's pretty entertaining! & the strangest thing is how stiff & scripted these shows are [2]: most of the time, it sounds as though the participants are reading off of cue cards, and not doing it particularly well. They're also very formulaic, albeit in a somewhat comforting way--e.g. in "Parental Control", for example, the son/daughter will always:
- describe how hard it's going to be to eliminate any of the three suitors;
- easily eliminate one of those suitors;
- say something good about each of the remaining two suitors (always the current s.o. plus one of the dates), then say something bad about each of them;
&c. It's almost as if MTV is engineering a race of stupid-but-pretty people just to participate in these shows. If only they could engineer them not to breed.
[1] In the standard MTV formula, as exemplified on e.g. "Date My Mom" : go to the beach, take some surfing lessons, grind a bit at a nightclub, then come back home.
[2] All of these shows, including "Next", "Parental Control", "Date My Mom", &c. have the most scripted dialogue I've seen in a long time on television. Heard today, as an example: "She's not going to Next me, cause I'm 6-foot-2, laying down
".
wow - this is the need that vh1 shows have always filled for me (Top 100 Wacky Heavy Metal Moments) but perhaps I need to explore MTV for my hungover Saturday afternoons.
Posted by: The Erika Hall | June 03, 2006 at 07:26 PM
Oh, VH1 works, too! Two weekends ago I watched one of the best shows I've ever seen on television: "The Fabulous Life of: Filthy Rich Billionaires".
My favorite part was the segment about the yachts--since then, I've been somewhat obsessed with telling people about the ridiculous yachts that certain billionaires own and/or are building in order to top each other.
Posted by: btrott | June 03, 2006 at 07:34 PM
I couldn't help but notice your post and couldn't agree more. The up and coming MTV generation won't be a pretty sight.
And interestingly enough MTV and VH1 are owned by the same company. I met a Vassar grad who was one of the founders of MTV and he told me that after MTV they created VH1 as a fake competitor channel so they could entirely dominate the market for brainless, materialistic, but ever so entertaining media! (Word is VH1 starting production on a new reality tv show titled 'Ego Trip's the (white) Rapper Show'. Joy!)
Posted by: .tiff | June 03, 2006 at 11:04 PM
I watched Parental Control the one night when I was in NYC. I find the most depressing part is that all these kids are in such shitty relationships. Who wants to date a chick that swears at your mom? Bad Parenting Theater.
Posted by: Anil | June 04, 2006 at 12:06 PM
+1 on what Anil said.
Fuck having the parents and current boyfriend sit around and watch the new boyfriends on TV; sit that girl down and have her watch how her boyfriend tells off her parents!
Posted by: Nick | June 05, 2006 at 11:22 AM
I gotta admit, I'm not completely convinced these shows are actually reality and not scripted. I knew somebody who was once on "Taildaters" -- that MTV dating show where your friends follow your date in a bus and send you messages along the way. Well, it turned out that show was actually scripted.
Posted by: Jon | June 06, 2006 at 09:31 PM
I cannot handle when Next comes on because it's always part of a 2 hour marathon, and I haven't the slightest willpower to turn it off. Really I think my favorite thing about it is how next gets used as a verb. I wish I could find situations in which to complain about someone "instantly nexting" me. But I guess I'd also need an MTV scribe to prompt me with my two-line tell-off, wouldn't I?
Personally, I find Date My Mom far more tragic than Parental Control. At least the parents on PC are acting (kind of) like parents and not (as much) like pimps. The part about DMM that's so uncomfortable and sad is that the mothers are almost always single parents and they're almost always trying to be their children's best friend. I don't know about other folks, but I'd much rather have a mom who, ya know, is like a mother than one who brags about my sexual prowess to would-be suitors whilst washing a car and having a fight over the hose. :(
Posted by: Matt | June 08, 2006 at 07:28 PM